My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can I color on your dick again?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
