Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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