you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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