Already got asked if we're dating
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
