She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
