Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
