If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
