I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
