Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
