their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize