nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
