So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
