just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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