Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
