K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
home. puking in laundry basket.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
