my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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