I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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