i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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