I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
