I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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