when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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