she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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