So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
