Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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