I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is wine microwaveable?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
