You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
