I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
