we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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