I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
