I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I want to walk on stilts...naked
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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