Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
