You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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