help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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