I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
