Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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