I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
