Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
