Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
smell my finger.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
