bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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