I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
