How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
