My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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