Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
