just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
