a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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