We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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