I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
