Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
