so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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