I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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