When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
