new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
