i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
