I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
