so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
